Carbon is one of the most common elements on Earth–all life is carbon-based, and carbon can be found in the air, under the ground, and even at the Super K-Mart down on Highway 20 by Petersen Rock Garden. Have you been to Petersen Rock Garden? Oh, man!
They have a scale model of Independence Hall, made entirely out of small red lava rocks! I know, right? Not to mention the inspiring, all-concrete Statue of Liberty. And they have peacocks! No, not made out of rocks–actual damn peacocks, just wandering around. And then you can go eat lunch at Applebee’s, and there you go, home by 7PM to watch “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy!” Man, how do those Jeopardy! people even know all that stuff? They must have like, some kind of super-brains or something.
And that’s everything you need to know about carbon. Write it down and keep it in your wallet, right next to the directions to Petersen Rock Garden.