Presidents: Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson not only wrote the Declaration of Independence, but also the wildly popular self-help books, “Do Not Perspire Upon Items Of Smallness, For Verily, All Items Possess The Quality Of Smallness,”  and “The 60-Second Plantation Manager.”

Here are some more exciting facts about our third president:

  • Thomas Jefferson is the only president ever to send the US Marines to fight pirates. Why this has never been made into a major motion picture is a complete mystery. Please contact us if you’d like to see our treatment “Marines vs Pirates,” starring Bruce Willis, Johnny Depp and Justin Bieber as The Littlest Marine.
  • Jefferson’s face was featured on the two dollar bill. From beyond the grave, Jefferson was quoted as saying, “Really? The two dollar bill? After all I did for you people, THIS is the thanks I get? Seriously? Hamilton wasn’t even president and he’s on the ten. Grant was drunk and he’s on the 50. Fuck that shit.”
  • Jefferson’s face on Mount Rushmore is life-size; Jefferson stood over 500 feet tall.

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