If you’re lucky, your big toe is located on your foot, where you can easily hide it from your loved ones. Trust us, you want to keep the big toe well-hidden–it looks really upsetting, plus it smells like some weird, pale mold you found in the basement. Gross! Your friends and family would move to another state with no forwarding address if they ever found out about your ugly, stinky big toe.
But don’t go lopping that big toe off, even though we all want you to. The big toe is actually the seat of all intelligence in the human body. Albert Einstein was, in fact, just a giant toe in a funny wig, and Stephen Hawking’s body is covered with over 300 big toes.
So always wear several pairs of shoes and socks to make sure nobody ever sees your disgusting big toe–especially if it has those disturbing, bristly hairs sticking out of it. Ewwwwww.