Halley’s Comet: It’s A Comet, Named After Some Guy

Halley’s Comet appears in the skies once every 76 years. Why doesn’t it come around more often? Does Halley’s Comet think it’s too good for us little backwater people on our little backwater planet? Well, screw you, Halley’s Comet. We don’t need you; we never needed you. We can get by just fine without you. But would it hurt to call once in a while? We miss you. We made dinner. Chicken pot pie–your favorite!

Here are a few facts about Halley’s Comet that you can use to maybe impress Halley’s Comet into coming back early:

  • The first recorded sighting of Halley’s Comet was in 1066, in England. Observers at the time wrote, “Holye Shitte! Whate the fucke izzeth that??!”
  • The most recent sighting of Halley’s Comet was in 1986, as part of the marketing for a new “Alien” movie.
  • Please, Halley’s Comet, just come back. We’ll be good this time. Really!
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