Martin Van Buren: And You Thought John Quincy Adams Was Boring

Eighth president Martin Van Buren had a secret. Nobody knew that mild-mannered Martin Van Buren was the secret identity of the great 1800s superhero, Somewhat Remarkable Gentleman, who could leap a two-story building in a single bound, was stronger than a horse-and-buggy and faster than a speeding covered wagon. He spent his entire presidency defeating his evil arch-nemesis, Nathaniel Hawthorne (known as “The Scarlet A”).

Here are a few facts you need to know about Martin Van Buren before this year’s VanBurenCon:

  • By flying against the rotation of the Earth, he could make his sideburns run backwards.
  • Van Buren’s Secretary of the Navy: Aquaman.
  • Van Buren signed into law a ban on all sales and possession of kryptonite. Interstate delivery of kryptonite was punishable by death.
  • Soon, you’ll be able to see trailers for the upcoming Somewhat Remarkable Gentleman movie, starring Johnny Depp as Martin Van Buren.
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