Iceland: Land Of Ice, Apparently

Located in the North Atlantic, Iceland is home to most of the world’s ice mines. 98% of the world’s supply of ice comes from this tiny nation. Hundreds of workers die each year in the dark, freezing mines just so your stupid Red Bull and vodka doesn’t reach room temperature and become even more undrinkable. I hope you’re happy.

It’s a tough life in the ice mines–most of Iceland’s ice miners die of ice lung well before the age of 50, while others fall in the machine that crushes the ice for Slurpees. These become the berry-flavored Slurpees.

But in this tiny nation, there aren’t many other options for gainful employment. The other major job sector is mopping up molten lava from one of the many volcanoes, usually with paper towels. Workers aren’t paid, but are allowed to bring home one lava rock a day to feed their family.

Lately, there have been some improvements in the lives of your typical Icelander. Ice miners are now required to wear safety gear, including a helmet and a swan dress. And lava moppers will soon have the option of using two-ply Brawny paper towels. They’re the quicker picker-upper.

 

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