Zachary Taylor: Really? This Guy Was President?

Zachary Taylor constantly refuted rumors that he was a zombie, claiming to eat nothing but human brains because “they are a good source of iron.”

Now, we’re not saying Zachary Taylor was a zomie, but if he was a zombie, he was most certainly of the slow-moving, uncoordinated type seen in the “Living Dead” movies. For the same reason, Gerald Ford was long thought to be a zombie, but it turned out he was just a damn klutz.

Do you want to see some facts about Zachary Taylor? Well, too bad, we’re giving you some anyway:

  • Due to his military experience, Taylor was called “Old Rough & Ready & Decaying.”
  • Congress planned to determine if Taylor was a zombie by seeing what happened if he was lit on fire. Unlike normal people, zombies hate being on fire. Sadly, they were unable to test this as Taylor ate the brain of House Speaker Eldridge G. Steward (D-OH, D-Undead).
  • Perhaps Taylor’s greatest accomplishment as president was breaking into that one house where all the living humans had barricaded themselves and then eating all their brains and stuff. That part was SO scary! OMG!
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