The most widely-known constellation, the Big Dipper points to the North Star (as opposed to the Little Dipper, which keeps pointing out how you’ve been a major disappointment to the entire family since you wet your pants at the glee choir recital in seventh grade).
Here are a few nearly interesting facts about the Big Dipper:
- The Big Dipper is among the very first constellations identified by Man, after The Line and The Other Line. Shapes really hadn’t been invented yet.
- The Big Dipper is part of the larger Ursa Major (The Great Bear), which in turn is part of an even larger constellation called Ursa Major Major (Great Big Motherfucking Big-Ass Bear).
- Stars in the Big Dipper include Phecda, Dubhe and Mizar. In ancient times, everything was named by randomly pulling out Scrabble tiles and hoping the end result would be pronounceable. This method of naming was handed down from Mount Olympus by the god Vxclzzlzqk.