Ears: They Suck

We hate ears. There, we said it.

Yes, ears allow us to hear beautiful sounds, like a baby laughing, or a baby laughing. But ears also allow us to hear the complete oeuvre of the band Train. This must be stopped.

We see two possible solutions to this. First, we can all, every one of us, lop off our ears so that none of us is ever again in any danger of hearing, say, “Hey, Soul Sister.” Or, we could just throw the members of Train into a deep hole (like, say, that mine the Chilean miners were trapped in), along with all their CDs and any iPods infected with their music, and plug it up permanently.

Of course, both of these ideas, individually are ludicrous. Which is why we must do both. Immediately. There’s no time to lose–worldwide, over 400,000 babies are beng exposed to “Drops Of Jupiter” even as we speak. Won’t anyone think of the children? Sure, they’ll be deaf and earless, but it’s a small price to pay for a Train-free future.


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