Vermont: Oh God, Another State Already?

While Montana is the Big Sky State, Vermont is so small that it’s known as The Tiny Sky State. For Vermonters, the sky is approximately the size of a loaf of Oroweat Country White. They only get to see about half of the Big Dipper, and Orion? Forget it. Because sunlight is too large to enter their tiny sky, the pale, pale people of Vermont have to suck on stunted maple trees for sustenance. It’s sad, really.

Here are a few facts about Vermont, whether you want them or not:

  • Because of Vermont’s tiny sky, airplanes can’t fly overhead without passing into the 10th and 11th dimensions, as posited by Type II String Theory. Hundreds of pilots and airline passengers are now trapped in the higher dimensions. Scientists have no idea of how to save them without bringing the horrible 11th dimension spidermonsters back into our dimension as well.
  • Also due to the small sky, Vermont only has one bird, a swallow, who flew in by mistake and can’t find its way back out.
  • While it may be sweet and delicious, watch out–maple syrup is actually tree urine. So don’t put that stuff on your waffles and crap, because: yuck!
  • FACT: There is no fourth fact about Vermont.
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