The Thyroid Gland: Ewwwww

As you can see in this actual photo, the thyroid gland is a pink, fleshy butterfly that lands on your neck and sucks out all your blood, and eventually your soul. Never let one of these icky vampires near your neck, or wrists, or the backs of your knees, your nose, your left big toe or any of your 12 genital regions. If you already have a thyroid gland, get rid of it immediately.

Here are some more facts about your thyroid:

  • The thyroid uses all your blood to make Kool-Aid for its church picnic, and uses your soul to make decopauges of old greeting cards.
  •  Is this how you want your blood and soul used?
  • Granted, it’s probably more constructive than anything you’re doing with them, but still.

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