The Aztecs: They Were A Thing

The Aztecs were a highly advanced civilization when the Spaniards discovered them in the 16th century–they had ATMs, iPods, and even a rudimentary version of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” The Aztec empire, which stretched over a huge area of Mexico and Central America, included hundreds of Starbucks locations, plus at least twelve Applebee’s in each of their strip malls. But the Spaniards soon wiped out the Aztecs, and the magnificent civilization that brought us Arby’s and “Yes, Dear” was no more.

Here are a few facts about the Aztecs:

  • The Aztecs are also credited with inventing Crocs. They were very sorry about it, though.
  • The Aztecs were also ashamed of the Pontiac Aztek, and want you to know they had nothing to do with those ugly-ass, stupid cars that everyone hated and helped destroy the American automotive industry.
  • Also, the Aztecs would like to explain about all the human sacrifices. It was an accident. Sorry.
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