Grasshoppers: Nature’s Grasshoppers

Grasshoppers freak us the fuck out. Those things are huge. They can jump like, forty feet. We’re always afraid when we go outside that there might be a gang of grasshoppers lying in wait, ready to attack and steal our money. Or maybe they’re out for a thrill kill–do they have switchblades? We think we heard that grasshoppers have switchblades. No, put down the knife! We’ll give you our money! Nooooo! Aaauuugghh!!!

Here are a few more facts about grasshoppers:

  • Oh God, we’re bleeding. Someone call the cops.
  • We’re feeling a little light-headed. Wow, that’s a lot of blood.
  • Is that a white light ahead? We’re going to try going toward it.
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