Neutrinos are tiny particles out in space. How tiny? Every second, billions of them are passing through your body, without touching anything. This means that at a sub-atomic level, you are basically just empty space. And since you are basically just empty space, that means you don’t exist; ipso facto: I don’t have to go to your stupid kid’s birthday party next week at Chuck E. Cheese, which I hope to God also doesn’t fucking exist.
Here are a few more facts about the neutrino:
- And if you don’t exist, and Chuck E. Cheese doesn’t exist, then I don’t exist, either.
- Ipso facto: I’m not going into work tomorrow. So long, suckers!
- So basically, we can surmise that the only thing that does exist is Maker’s Mark. Keep it coming, bartender. Assuming you exist.