The Beak: A Thing

What do you mean, you don’t have a beak? All the cool people are going to their plastic surgeon and getting a beak installed. They’re sleek and sexy, and allow you to drill holes in trees in practically no time. Plus, they’re great for digging into the ground and finding delicious worms first thing in the morning. Now how much would you pay?

Here are a few more facts about beaks:

  • Before you answer that, we’ll also throw in a second beak, absolutely free of charge! You just pay the shipping and handling (generally, arouns $112)!
  • And if you order before midnight tonight, we’ll also throw in this special beak chamois to keep your new beak shiny!
  • That’s two beaks, and the beak chamois, all for just three payments of $49.99! Call now! Operators are standing by.
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