Michelangelo: Historical Dude

Michelangelo was born in 1475, to parents who were too poor to afford a last name. And yet, he became the most famous artist of his day, even though he had really wanted to get into real estate, or maybe accounting.

Perhaps his first major work is his colossal white marble statue of David. David is shown naked, so you can totally like, see his junk and stuff. This was controversial at the time. Before this, statues had traditionally not been anatomically correct, usually replacing the penis with a small hawk (this is where the phrase “Put a bird on it” originated). Next, Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, which features the famous image of God and Adam engaged in a heavenly game of Pull My Finger. Adam won, and that’s the real reason Adam & Eve had to leave Eden–they couldn’t get the smell out.

Aside from being a great painter and sculptor, Michelangelo also dabbled in architecture, and was one of the era’s most popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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