But what the heck is dark matter? Dark matter is matter that is unobservable: it doesn’t interact with anything, including light or electromagnetic radiation, rendering it completely invisible. By this definition, Disalmanac was dark matter all through tenth grade.
Because it’s impossible to have direct knowledge of dark matter, we have no idea what its characteristics are. Recently, scientists have theorized that dark matter spends a lot of time in its room, listening to that emo shit and writing poetry in its Moleskine about how nobody understands it–again proving that Disalmanac was dark matter in tenth grade. So now give us a damn Nobel Prize in Physics, Slappy.