Cows: Nature’s Cows

Mankind has been raising cattle since at least the mid-1950s, when cows were invented by Monsanto. DuPont came out with a similar, cheaper product the next year, the Xorz 5000, but they had to recall most of the first model year due to faulty tailpipes. And so cows came to rule the market.

Monsanto designed cows so that we could use every part: we eat the muscles and many of the organs, the hide becomes leather, and the eyes are hollowed out and painted white to become ping pong balls. Try eating one sometime; they taste like delicious beef jerky!

In the 1980s, cows started coming down with Mad Cow Disease. Mad Cow Disease ate away at the bovine brain, resulting in “mad” behavior like thinking they were Napoleon, or maing the movie “Glitter.”

But cows are still an important part of the world’s diet. And next year, Monsanto will come out with a new kind of cow that is even more catastrophic to the environment. Thanks, Monsanto!


One comment

  1. Hosey

    You really have to hand it to Monsanto on the whole cow thing. All that nutrition and bon homie in one large easily transported animal?! Wow! Still, what’s the follow up? Why no Cow II? And how about something for the ladies? A women’s edition Cow is long overdue and somewhat unsettling.

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