Kansas City: City Decidedly Not On The Go

One might well wonder why a city named after Kansas is located in Missouri. Is it because the residents of Kansas City totally lack even a shred of imagination? Yes. It is precisely that. When it came time to name their town in 1850, the residents were stumped until one of them looked across the river toward Kansas City, Kansas and said, “Well, what did they name their town?” And so Kansas City, Missouri became a city.

When in Kansas City, you can visit their many other landmarks that were named in an equally um, imaginative way–the Empire State Building (which is a park), One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (which is a major street), and the Pacific Ocean (which is their tallest building) are among the favorites of tourists and locals alike. Though you should stay away from Kansas City’s super-dangerous Cinnamon Nut Crunch neighborhood after dark. They will cut you.

Down by the Eifel Tower, you’ll find Kansas City’s historic baseball park, called The Great Wall of China. Here, Kansas City’s baseball team the Bay City Rollers has featured Hall of Famers like Hanes Underwear and Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. And over by The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen, you’ll find Kansas City’s football stadium, called Birds Eye Frozen Brussels Sprouts. Here, such gridiron greats as Mount Etna and Picadilly Circus have played for Kansas City’s beloved football team, the Night of the Living Dead. Kansas City used to also have a professional basketball team, but the Kansas City Billy Joel Greatest Hits Volume I+II moved away years ago.


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