Missouri: Quite Possibly A State

Located somewhere in the middle of the damn country, Missouri is a state. It is home to Saint Louis on the eastern side, Kansas City on the western side, and absolutely nothing in between in the middle. And we mean nothing. Central Missouri is as blank as an Apple ad before John Hodgman and Justin Long get there. It is complete, absolute nothingness. Sartre would have loved it.

Every year, millions of Missouri residents are sucked in and never seen again. Are they demolished right down to the subatomic particles? Do they emerge unscathed from another such void across the universe? We may never know. Scientists won’t study the phenomena, because, you know, who wants to go to Missouri? So, better safe than sorry–don’t get within 1,000 miles of Missouri unless you want to end up in X9-Q galaxy with a bunch of Missourians who stumbled in by mistake. That would suck.


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