A quasar is a quasi-stellar radio source, kind of like a radio station that only plays “American Idol” runners-up. Which, these days, is pretty much every radio station. Every time we turn on the radio these days, they’re always playing like, some Bruno Mars song. Was he on “American Idol?” Lord, who knows at this point? We haven’t watched since season two, when Ruben Studdard beat Clay Aiken. Which was as it should have been: Ruben Studdard was ten times the singer Clay Aiken was, and not just in terms of physical girth. But Ruben Studdard released one single and immediately disappeared, while Clay Aiken still seems to have a career of some sort. Hell, as far as we know, Clay Aiken and Bruno Mars are the same dude. And don’t get us started on that Daughtry dude–like we needed another band that fucking sounds just like Nickelback. Jesus.
And that’s everything you need to know about quasars. You’re welcome.