White blood cells (or leucocytes, as pretentious people call them) make up one percent of the blood of a typical human adult–the other 99% is made up of red blood cells and whiskey. If you’re lucky, it’s a decent whiskey like Maker’s Mark or Knob Creek. But now there’s this whole micro-distillery thing going on, have you heard about this? Hipsters in Brooklyn have started distilling their own hipster whiskey in their hipster apartments. Hipsters ruin everything. Like, remember that big trend of hipsters building their own freighter ships? It was some kind of ironic take on that old Gordon Lightfoot song, “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” or some shit. We suppose the whiskey is supposed to be ironic somehow too. Ha ha, look at us, we’re all alcoholics!