And so Reconstruction began. The South was outfitted with a bionic eye that could see Waffle Houses over ten miles away. Then, it was given a bionic arm, so it could eat waffles like, really fast. And then, bionic toenails. Why? No one knows. It was probably a clerical error.
Soon, the South was indeed as Abe Lincoln promised: better, stronger, faster. Sadly, it would still be racist as fuck for another century.