Puppies are lean, mean killing machines. They can shoot lasers out of their adorable eyes. Their floppy widdow ears contain intercontinental ballistic missiles, some armed with tactical nuclear weapons. That drool? A horrible chemical weapon–two grams could wipe out a city the size of Detroit. In fact, two grams of dog drool DID wipe out Detroit.
What can we do about the menace of puppies? You and your family need to build an underground, puppy-proof shelter NOW. And when you hear the puppy attack sirens (and you will, someday), lock yourself and your family in that shelter for at least a year. That’ll show those cute, adorable, little things!