Flounders: Nature’s Flounders

Man, Flounders are ugly. Ugly, ugly, ugly. Damn, Slappy.

We’d like to be able to tell you that while flounders are ugly on the outside, they’re beautiful on the inside. Sadly, we can’t. Flounders laugh at you when you slip on an icy sidewalk. They laugh even more if you break a bone when you do it. And if that bone sticks through your skin, flounders just laugh and laugh and laugh.

Also, flounders will swindle your grandmother out of her life savings. They’ll beat up old men and steal their glasses and dentures. Not their money, just their glasses and dentures. Flounders are fucked up.

You know what else flounders will do? Talk shit about you on the Internet. They’ll call your boss Goebbells, implying that you must be a Nazi if you work for him. You’re just trying to sell office supplies; how does that make you a Nazi? People need dry-erase boards. It doesn’t even make sense. Why would he do that? Because he’s a flounder, and that’s what flounders do.

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