Osaka: A City Somewhere, Supposedly

Osaka is the second largest city in Japan, which means it has the second largest Godzilla in Japan, Gordonzilla.

Gordonzilla is only twelve feet tall. He can’t breathe fire; in fact, his breath is minty-fresh. Gordonzilla tries to menace Osaka like Godzilla does Tokyo, but he mainly does this by spray-painting “Gordonzilla Rules!” on public buildings and scratching his name into the windows of the bullet train.

Sometimes, one of Gordonzilla’s small, non-threatening fellow monsters comes to Osaka to fight him. Gameronald is a flying turtle who’s only four feet across, while Mothroger is easily swattable with a newspaper.

Really, Gordonzilla is more of a nuisance than a threat. Forget we even mentioned him.

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