Iowa: Another Damn State

Iowa was located out in the middle of my cornfield. “If you build it,” a voice said, “they will come.”

Yeah, well, I built it, and you know who came? A bunch of minor-league, has-been politicians trying to get you to vote for them for president, going around kissing babies and sucking on corn dogs in a salacious-but-comical manner. And they were always yakking, airing their stupid TV and radio ads–there was no escape. They were taking over!

Finally had to burn the cornfield down, along with all those presidential candidates. You could hear their screams all the way over to St. Joseph. But let that be a lesson to you: if a disembodied voice tells you to build something, DON’T.

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