Lithium: Another Stupid Element

Lithium is the lightest of all metals. Yes, it’s even lighter than White Lion, Slaughter and all those other hair metal bands that had huge-ass hits with wimpy power ballads. I mean, look at “Heaven” by Warrant. There’s no power in that power ballad. It’s a straight-up ballad ballad. You’re not fooling anybody, Warrant.

And what the hell was the deal with that band Extreme? There was nothing Extreme about them at all–their big hit was that power ballad “I Have Sensitive Hair and A Leather Vest,” or whatever the fuck it was called. And the guy from Extreme is who Van Halen called to replace Sammy Hagar? Really? Yeah, that went over well. Jesus.

And that’s everything you need to know about lithium.

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