Boron: An Element, Probably

Boron, the fifth element, was discovered by Bruce Willis when Milla Jovovich dropped into his airborne taxicab. Milla Jovovich was like, wearing a pair of seatbelts. Seatbelts made of boron!

Though, let’s be honest–boron is not the most comfortable thing you can make a skimpy seatbelt outfit out of. We made our own skimpy seatbelt outfit out of some old, stretched-out sweatsocks and a couple of strategically-placed safety pins (be careful with these!), and we have to say, we look GREAT when we fall into airborne taxicabs. Plus: little or no chafing!

And while it sounds good in theory, a skimpy seatbelt outfit made out of bacon is a really, really terrible idea. We still have scars from the burns in some pretty tender places.

And that is everything you need to know about boron.


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