Marco Polo: History Guy

Marco Polo was the first European to bring back the wonder and riches of China. And what wonders they were: jars of MSG, little toy cars covered in deadly lead paint, and bootleg DVDs of “Saved By The Bell.”

The crowned heads of Europe could not get enough of the handsome, scheming Zack Morris. However, they were frightened by Screech, and sent Christopher Columbus on a voyage to find a more direct route to China, so that the entire Italian navy could be sent to China to kill Screech. Columbus failed, instead finding the West Indies and their bootleg DVDs of “You Can’t Do That On Television.” This led directly to the Spanish Inquisition.

Marco Polo died a wealthy man and lived happily ever after.

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