Nathan Hale: History Guy

Nathan Hale was one of the great heroes of the Revolutionary War; he famously said, when the British were about to hang him, “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.”

But the truth is, Nathan Hale actually regretted a lot of things; not kissing Sherrie Jellum in tenth grade when he had the chance out behind the gym after third period algebra certainly came in near the top of the charts, but there was more.

Nathan Hale really regretted not going to Europe the summer after graduation so he could work at his dad’s garage instead. While Ben Franklin, John Adams and all his revolutionary buds were living it up in Europe’s youth hostels and techno raves, Nathan Hale was fixing buggies for his dad’s boring friends, and his dad always yelled at him for leaving the tools in the wrong place. Jesus, what a stupid summer. At least he could get high out behind the garage on his lunch break, but he really wanted to be having youth hostel orgies with hot, unwashed Euro babes with Button Gwinnett and John Hancock. Man, life sucks sometimes.

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