Robins: Nature’s Robins

The American Robin is common throughout North America, and is largely known for its red breast. At dawn, it sings a lovely song about needing some ointment for its red breast.

We know the feeling. Sometimes, we break out in rashes and hives. This usually happens in the middle of the night, and by dawn we too are screaming for ointment.

So if you see a robin, just walk right up to it and rub a soothing salve on its red breast. It will thank you, probably by biting off your finger or pooping all over your new spring jacket that you just got at  Target, a steal for $19.99. This is how birds tell you they love you.

Also, if you see us on the street, by all means just walk to us and start rubbing soothing salve on our red breast. We too will thank you by biting you or pooping on you. Because we love you.


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