You may be surprised to learn this, but the Central African Republic isn’t located in central Africa at all. It’s located in northern Europe, up by Sweden somewhere. Plus, it’s a monarchy, not a republic.
So why’s it called the Central African Republic? Well, the entire country is in the witness relocation program. The entire population of the Central African Republic testified against Willie “The Bread Knife” Marscone in his racketeering trial. Marscone was found guilty, but quickly escaped from federal prison. Now Marscone is after the Central African Republic, threatening to slice up the entire country with his bread knife, and he’s totally going to throw away the heels, if you catch our drift.
So don’t tell Willie “The Bread Knife” Marscone that the nation of Burfastein is now known as the Central African Republic and has been moved to Scandanavia. Let it be our little secret, unless Willie “The Bread Knife” Marscone knows how to use Google and finds this article. If that happens–sorry, Central African Republic. We didn’t mean to rat you out.