Switzerland: Nationly

Switzerland is the home of Swiss cheese and Swiss banks. Swiss watches and Swiss chocolate. Swiss blenders and Swiss shoes. Swiss chickens and Swiss family Robinsons. Swiss toaster-ovens and Swiss venti Moccaccinnos. Swiss hamburgers with lots of e. coli and Swiss lug nuts. Swiss copies of Time Out: New York and Swiss piles of dog poop some dipshit left right out on the sidewalk because they couldn’t be bothered to pick up after their own damn dog. Swiss monkeys who know over 2000 words in American Sign Language and Swiss PhDs in American Literature who did their dissertation on the damn Twilight books. Swiss bass accordions (oh, they’re a thing, believe us) and Swiss DVD gift sets of the first five “Police Academy” movies that you bought your brother because you thought he would like them, and yet, three years later they’re still sitting on his DVD shelf unopened and dusty. Swiss mariachi bands break-dancing on your subway car, and you’re like, totally amazed because you’ve never seen a mariachi band break-dance before and these guys have to all be , what, at least 50 years old and they’re totally doing the worm and spinning on their heads and shit and Swiss Cinnamon Bunches of O’s.

This is everything you’ll find in Switzerland.

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