Being a slacker is big business in Portland. The Sitting In A Coffee Shop And Writing Poetry In Your Moleskine industry brings in over $4 billion annually to the region’s economy. Other major industries in Portland include Drinking PBR In A Dive Bar Waiting For Your Boyfriend’s Band To Play, Getting Stoned And Playing Portal 2 Or Some Shit, and Getting A Tattoo Of Some Random-Ass Anime Character Or Something.
Portland is very serious about slacking. Most slackers wear the finest Brooks Brothers 3-piece suits while they ride their unicycles and juggle at the same time. Many drive the latest Jaguar convertibles and Mercedes SUVs to their hackey-sack matches.
And what’s in those hackey-sacks? Krugerands and jewels, my friend. Krugerands and jewels.