Nevada: Another Goddamn State

Nevada is home to casinos, brothels, and nuclear bomb testing facilities. Sadly, the constant barrage of radiation since the 1950s has had a serious effect on Nevada.

Nearly all the sex workers at Nevada’s legal brothels are over fifty feet tall (as required by law), while erstwhile Las Vegas performer Celine Dion has turned into a giant monster called “Celinezilla,” picking up tourist busses and slamming them back down on the Vegas strip with impunity. Caesar’s Palace now charges twenty-five bucks for this “ride.”

Nevada is also home of Area 51, where conspiracy theorists claim the United States government supposedly keeps space aliens and tests their strange spacecraft in the desert skies at night. Actually, the truth behind Area 51 is much more mundane: it’s where Bigfoot rules the entire planet with his hairy iron fist. See? Doesn’t that make more sense than space aliens? We bet you conspiracy theorists feel preeeeeeety stupid right now!



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