Sodium, the eleventh element on the periodic table, is by far the best element to put on your french fries. Sure, if you put helium on your fries, you’ll talk in a funny voice for hours afterwards. But that squeaky voice shit gets old REAL fast, Maynard. Cut it out already.
And if you go further up the periodic table, the number of condiments grows few and far between. Putting uranium on your fries will cause them to explode, spreading radiation over an area approximately the size of Utah. Funny at first, sure, but we’re not cleaning that shit up.
So remember: when it comes to french fries, say “no, thank you” to cesium, darmstadtium, argon and all other non-sodium elements. You’ll be glad you did!