Apollo 14: Another Stupid Moon Mission Quest Thing

So, we sent some more guys to the Moon in 1971 to do the same damn thing as the other dudes we sent to the Moon: skip around like dumb-asses, picking up rocks. Whoo!

Ah, but this mission was slightly different. Without telling NASA, Alan Shepard smuggled a golf club and several golf balls onboard the lunar lander (ALWAYS a good idea to secretly smuggle a bunch of crap onto your carefully weighed spacecraft so you use up all your fuel faster–brilliant) and hit a couple of long drives on the lunar surface. Sadly, someone forgot to tell Shepard that there isn’t a fucking golf course on the damn Moon, so we’ll never know what his score was.

After this, NASA had to institute a “No Fucking Idiots” rule for future Moon flights. But the damage was done: One of the golf balls flew into space and broke a helium-based alien’s window on Jupiter, and now they’re coming to get us with warships armed with helium space-torpedoes. Smooth move, Alan Shepard. Your little golf stunt is about to destroy the entire human race. Hope it was fun.

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