Aluminium: Element

The British call it aluminium, but Americans call it aluminum. Because Americans don’t have time for that extra syllable. Americans are in a hurry! Breakfast ends at McDonald’s at 10:30, and we’ve got to get three or four goddamn Egg McMuffins NOW, Slappy. And we don’t care how many elderly ladies with walkers we run over to do it–we’re in a HURRY, Jackson!

You know what else America doesn’t have time for, British people? That extra “u” in words like “colour,” “humour,” and “ferreut.” We are busy people. Who has time for your leisurely extra letters? We say “fuuck youu” to your extra “u”s, Britain.

Of course, it could also be that Americans are idiots who never learned to spell properly. But either way, one thing is for sure: aluminum certainly is an element on the Periodic Table. Yep. Pretty much.

 

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