K2: A Mountain Deal

K2 is the world’s second-tallest mountain, nearly 800 feet shorter than Everest. And unless it receives an unlikely sudden growth spurt, it’s likely to remain number two for a very long time.

This means Everest is always giving K2 wedgies, noogies, swirlies, Indian burns, flat tires, Dutch burns, wet willies, “Did you get the letter I sent you? I forgot to STAMP it”s, applying KICK ME signs to K2’s back, tying K2’s shoelaces together and pushing it down, daring K2 to eat dog poop, snapping K2 with its towel in the locker room, shoving K2 into its locker before the big Algebra midterm, and more.

And, of course, the constant teasing. “Ha ha, K2 doesn’t even have a REAL name! Neener neeener!” It’s not K2’s fault that he was orphaned by his parents before they could even name them and but so was named after a Battleship move by the 6-year-old who found him and raised him.

So come on everybody, be nice to K2. It’s been a hard-knock life for him.

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