The Nile: An Earth Thing

The River Nile, located mostly in Egypt but with branch offices in Malaysia, Brunei and the Cayman Islands, is one of the largest rivers in the world. As such, it essentially serves as Dictator For Life of all rivers on the planet.

As Dictator For Life of all rivers, the Nile gets some cool shit, like pyramids and that wicked-cool Sphinx. But the River Nile must always keep one eye open for those that would usurp its power. In 1999, several rivers (including the Rhine, the Columbia, and the Volga, plus whatever Australia’s river is–they have a river down there, right?) attempted a coup to throw the River Nile out of power. The River Nile came down hard on these enemies. In fact, all four of those rivers are currently serving time in Guantanamo, being water boarded (which, of course, is not all that effective in rivers, but still).

So basically: don’t mess with the Nile.


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