Kenya: A Nation-y Thing

OK, let’s just get this out of the way. Yes, Barack Obama’s father was from Kenya. And yes, Barack Obama was secretly born there, because yeah, you want to fly a fully nine-months-pregnant woman halfway around the world to a country with hospital conditions at the time that made the Delancey Street F-train stop look like the goddamn Cleveland Clinic, vis a vis cleanliness, equipment and trained personnel. Of course you would do that. Why wouldn’t you?

And yes, Barack Obama is secretly a Socialist, part of the devious Kenyan Socialist Cabal that has already taken over Europe, much of Asia and even parts of Narnia. And yes, the all-powerful Kenyan Socialists run the United Nations, the World Bank, NATO, Arby’s, and the bodega on Third Avenue by the Chipotle.

And yes, Kenya, a nation the size of Iowa with a gross national product of approximately half a cigarette it found on the ground by the bus stop, is poised to take over the entire United States and implement Sharia Law, even though Socialists are atheists who stand against religious zealotry.

Wait. We forgot where we were going with all this. But Kenya is definitely a country. Yup.


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