Phosphorus: A Phelement

Phosphorus is a multivalent nonmetal of the nitrogen group. Emphasis on the “nonmetal.”

You see, phosphorus can’t stand metal. Judas Priest makes it cover its ears and grimace in pain. Iron Maiden makes it run screaming from any room (try it! It’s hilarious). Hell, even wimpy metal groups like White Lion and WInger make it wince in deep psychic pain.

No, phosphorus prefers yacht rock. It reacts well with Kenny Loggins or Michael McDonald. And it easily creates covalent bonds with the songs “Steal Away” and “Key Largo.”

Phosphorus can be found down at the marina, wearing its jaunty yachting cap, and singing “What A Fool Believes” while mizzening its main mast, or whatever it is yacht people do.


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