George H.W.V.A.C. Bush: Another Damn President Or Some Crap

The elder Bush’s presidency is perhaps defined by Operation Desert Storm, a major military operation to remove the evil, despotic Michael Bolton from power. His awful, retch-inducing power ballads were becoming a danger to the entire Middle East and our own national security. And when Bolton released his ear-shattering cover of “When A Man Loves A Woman,” Bush knew he had to take action before more innocent people were killed.

Operation Desert Storm was ultimately a success. Though Michael Bolton remained in power, his influence was greatly diminished as grunge and rap became more popular. Later, Bush’s son claimed Michael Bolton was working on the ultimate weapon, a deadly cover version of Aerosmith’s already-crappy “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” that could take out millions of people at once. This turned out to not be true, but better safe than sorry.

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