Sulfur: Another Damn Element

(Note: the Disalmanac Podcast will return next Monday, with a Random Bonus Fact from author Tao Lin [Shoplifting From American Apparel])

Sulfur, element number sixteen on the periodic table, is often associated with Hell (the element chocolate is usually associated with Heaven). Yes, everything in Hell is made of sulfur–the pitchforks, the television sets, the Ben & Jerry’s Sulfur Surprise ice cream. Everything!

And how do we know this? We read the book “Hell Is For Real,” in which a small four-year-old boy recounts his visit to the dark, hoary netherworld of Satan. According to this child, Hell is Aunt Ruth’s house, because she always makes him eat all his green beans before he can have dessert, which his parents never make him do. And really, on theological matters, who are you going to listen to: some fancy-pants Pope, or a four-year-old who hates green beans?

So that’s sulfur. Next on the periodic table: a three-year-old French bulldog explains the connection between chlorine and the Holy Ghost!


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