There are two types of eagles. First, of course, there are bald eagles. Bald eagles are the national symbol of the United States, mostly because the US was started by a bunch of bald dudes who were so ashamed of their baldness that they actually thought wearing powdered wigs would help. They did not.
Then there’s the other type of eagle: hairy. Hairy eagles are, well, hairy. They have long hair and crazy ’70s mustaches and unbuttoned shirts that show off their chest hair. They are probably best known for their hit “Hotel California.” In fact, biologists have determined that these hairy eagles actually broke up and became extinct halfway through the guitar solo on “Hotel California.”
There may also be a third type of eagle: the combover eagle, an upsetting hybrid of the bald and the hairy. The mere thought of the combover eagle haunts our nightmares. Let’s all hope that it doesn’t exist.