Washington: The State, Not The City, You Nimrod

According to the “Twilight” books (which we here at Disalmanac use as our chief reference on all topics), the state of Washington is the home of vampires. Sparkly, annoying teenage vampires. Oh, and they’re all handsome, telepathic and, for some reason, they collect expensive vintage automobiles? Sure, why not?

Oh, and they’re super-fast, too? Sure. Just like in Bram Stoker’s classic book “Super-Speedy, Sparkly, Annoying-Ass Dracula WHo’s All Mopey Because It Rains All The Fucking Time, Jesus, Who Does He Think He Is, Fucking Morrissey Or Some Shit? Lord.”

So, if you visit Washington state, please kick some scrawny, emo vampire butt for us. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

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