San Diego: City Thing Deal

San Diego is Spanish for Saint Doug. But who was Saint Doug?

Saint Doug is the patron saint of 5th grade bullies. Saint Doug watches over these awful, hurtful kids, helping them find weak, nerdy third graders they can beat up by the swing set during recess. When fifth grade bullies need a rock to throw at the smart kid from Mr. Seavers’ class, Saint Doug puts that rock right in the bully’s hand, and guides its arc through the air so that it connects with the back of that dork, possibly even breaking his glasses. Saint Doug loves bullies.

Sadly, the Catholic Church has since disavowed Saint Doug, announcing that maybe the church should not be helping 5th grade bullies get their bullying done in a more efficient manner. But the city of San Diego still loves Saint Doug, and they still love their annual Saint Doug Days festival, where they bus in hundreds of nerds for the population of San Diego to beat the crap out of. Free rocks for mom!


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