Genghis Khan: A History Dude

Genghis Khan was the mighty leader of the Mongol Empire, which stretched from the Pacific to the Middle East and into Europe, with branch offices in London, New York City, Tokyo and (for tax purposes) the Cayman Islands.

Thanks to Genghis Khan’s wide-ranging influence, there was also a mini-Mongol Market at many Exxon stations all across Eurasia. They sold Mongo-Nachos and Mongo-Slurps in several popular Mongol flavors, like venison, venison, and venison. Cans of Red Bull contained chunks actual red bulls.

But Genghis Khan’s influence didn’t stop there. His Mongol hordes brought many advances to Eurasia, including fleas, bed bugs, chiggers, crabs and more. They invented halitosis, which is still popular today throughout Europe. Plus, it was Genghis Khan himself who, in his special underground labs back in Mongolia, personally invented body odor–this was a huge advance, as most people smelled like delicious little vanilla cookies before this.

The Mongol Empire may have died with Genghis Khan in the 13th century, but we still feel its effects today–for instance, this guy next to us at Starbucks right now smells like rancid ferret guts. Thank you, Genghis Khan!





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