São Paulo: A City Or Something

São Paulo is the largest damn city in South America. It’s bigger than Rio de Janeiro, which gets to host the Summer Olympics in 2016. Hell, it’s way bigger than Atlanta, and it hosted the fucking Olympics in 1996 or some shit.

The point is, São Paulo is pissed. It’s getting itself into insane-Robert-Deniro-in-Cape-Fear shape on its PX90. It’s stockpiling weapons and ammo. It’s joining the Trenchcoat Mafia (which isn’t even really a thing anymore, but don’t tell São Paulo or it’ll cut you, man). It’s taking MMA classes down at the sketchy gym in the strip mall by the Arby’s. Those Olympics should have been São Paulo’s, and it wants them back.

São Paulo’s coming after you, Rio, so watch your back. But first, São Paulo’s got a score to settle with Atlanta. Because seriously, Atlanta? Come ON.

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